YOU'RE JUST REALLY, REALLY WORTH MY TIME!

The KLF were a dance band in the late ’80s and ’90s. They had a few hits, so you should check them out.

Anyways, after snorting a few lines and having a joint, I decided to talk to The KLF’s Bill Drummond. He did some cool shit, like burn a million pounds on camera. Drummond was originally an A&R for EMI and left to start KLF. He hates the music business now and thinks it’s all a load of crap, so he created No Music Day, an occasion on which — duh — you don’t listen to music. He also writes some books you shouldn’t bother checking out because they suck, but he also did some spontaneous shit like putting posters up around Liverpool offering any girl to 10,000 pounds to let him bang them. Lovely.

STREET CARNAGE: How the hell are you?

BILL DRUMMOND: Fine.

No, really: How are you, bud?

I do not think I am a bud.

What have you been up to these days, anything in the pipeline?

Always too much.

You were in The KLF until you realized how shite the music biz is. Can you talk on this?

I can talk, but have no opinions on the music business.

The KLF’s last performance at the BRIT Awards

What the fuck is up with No Music Day?

It is there to be used.

You put up posters around Liverpool offering anyone to shag you for 10,000 pounds, what was the turn out like out?

I was worth it, seemed to be the general consensus.

Now why the hell did you burn a million pounds. Can you tell us the story?

‘Cause we wanted to.

So what issues did you have with ya mom, and do you like to have sex with women who look like her?

At a certain point in my life, I realized that most of the women that I was attracted to had a number of the physical and mental qualities that my mother had.

I heard ya mom makes amazing noises.

She does.

I hope all that was short enough.

It was short enough. I believe we’re done now.